"Killer Whale Attacked Because Sea World Ignored the Bible"

Dear Brian Fischer,

It’s been some time huh? What, it must be like three of four years since you said, “homosexuals should be treated like felons”? Wow, time flies when you’re dealing with the fucktards of the Christian loony fringe, as I do on a daily basis. Admittedly, though, I love it, so please don’t concern yourself with me! Anyway, you’ve made your way back into the headlines, no doubt with the objective of furthering the political goals of your American Family Association.

So, what was it that you wrote that has the Christian fundamentalist movement swooning over you like the GOP did at the RNC convention when Sarah Palin said something about her looking like a bulldog with lipstick? Hmm, let’s see….Here’s what you wrote on Thursday, the day after trainer Dawn Brancheau was tragically killed by Tilikum, the killer whale she adored and handled for several years at Florida’s Sea World:

What about the term “killer whale” do SeaWorld officials not understand? If the counsel of the Judeo-Christian tradition had been followed, Tillikum would have been put out of everyone’s misery back in 1991 and would not have had the opportunity to claim two more human lives.”

Brian, I am no marine biologist, but I am fairly certain the ‘killer whale’ did not name itself. As untimely as her death may be, Brancheau was adequately experienced to know that such risk comes with the territory in manhandling an unpredictable wild mammal in captivity. Chris Rock so eloquently put this danger into perspective when he commented on Montecore, a 600-pound white tiger, that acting on instinct, like a typical wild animal, attacked his long-time handler, Roy Horn of Siegfried & Roy:

“”The tiger didn’t attack because it was crazy, it attacked because it was a tiger”

In other words, Brian, shit happens when you’re dealing with natural predatory animals. So, why on earth would you call for Tilikum’s destruction? Oh, you’re using the animal husbandry handbook of ancient Israelite goat-herders as your guide to natural law. You wrote:

“Says the ancient civil code of Israel, ”When an ox gores a man or woman to death, the ox shall be stoned, and its flesh shall not be eaten, but the owner shall not be liable.” (Exodus 21:28) So, your animal kills somebody, your moral responsibility is to put that animal to death. You have no moral culpability in the death, because you didn’t know the animal was going to go postal on somebody.

Wow, for a moment there I thought this was you offering a stay of execution for Tilikum, but you then cite another accidental death Tilikum was involved in during 1991:

“But, the Scripture soberly warns, if one of your animals kills a second time because you didn’t kill it after it claimed its first human victim, this time you die right along with your animal. To use the example from Exodus, if your ox kills a second time, “the ox shall be stoned, and its owner also shall be put to death.” (Exodus 21:29)

Brian, have you considered that God was just trying pull off another Jonah like stunt, but fucked up the timing? You know, the way he fucks up most everything vis-a-vis: mosquitos, cancer, Holocaust, disease, AIDS, drought, earthquakes, tsunamis, Glenn Beck.

Finally, you finish with a bit of legal advice for the bereaved family of Brancheau, ”If I were the family, I’d sue the pants off SeaWorld for allowing this killer whale to kill again after they were well aware of its violent history.“

Now you have me puzzled, you had only just said that Sea World erred in ignoring scripture, but now you’re blatantly ignoring the words of the ‘Good’ Book, as Exodus 21:29 clearly commands the death sentence for the animals’ owners, Sea World, but instead you are saying they should just be sued? Are you playing God, or are you choosing to ignore the uncomfortable passages of the Bible that so often trouble you 21st century Christians? What punishment is headed your way, by reverse logic, for ignoring this command? If you really believe the Bible is God’s word, you have a holy murderous objective before you. What are you going to do? Well, I suspect, and hope, you will chose to ignore just another one of the Hebrew God’s maniacal laws.

Regards

CJ Werleman

Author ’God Hates You. Hate Him Back’ (Making Sense of the Bible)